


Tuned To The Same Frequency

by hellsheep



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panam doesn't get hints, Romance, bit of everything I guess, couple of one shots, slice of life in Night City
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:47:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28271874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellsheep/pseuds/hellsheep
Summary: This is a collection of one shots that follow my V's story and his romance with Kerry Eurodyne. Just a collection of small stories that got into my mind while playing and my attempt to try and discover certain characters and their stories.Please note that English isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes - but feel free to show them to me!
Relationships: Kerry Eurodyne/Male V
Comments: 47
Kudos: 291





	1. [Photo Shooting]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a real chapter. I took my V to a photo shooting so you know who you're dealing with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured it might be smart to introduce "my" V to you guys, since every V is different.  
> Vincent - V - took the corpo path and was actually quite good at it before things went downhill. But he still kept the calculating and cool outside and knows the corpo world quite well which opened up a lot of doors in his new job as a merc. He's been a netrunner back in the days and now uses his hacking skills for... basically everything.  
> However his time with Jackie also meant that he finally took better care of his body, too. (In other words: intelligence is his main attribute, followed by body.) If he can't solve a problem with netrunner skills - he uses a shotgun.  
> He has a lot of implants - most of them (and the real expensive ones) are in his head. But it's visible that he also spots a pair of high tech Gorilla Arms.  
> V is of Mexican heritage even though he was born in Night City and not in Mexico.  
> He's usually one of the rather cold and calculating kind and doesn't wear his heart on his tongue (corpo world taught him that) but if he warms up to someone, he does it with all of his heart. However he sees no reason in being unfriendly or a dick just for fun. He doesn't think twice if he has to kill but refuses to kill if not absolutely necessary.  
> Johnny and him became friends - not best buddies, but they started to understand each other.  
> His canon ending is The Sun.

Last but not least:

V in Rocker Boy style (found a jacket that almost looks like Kerry's)


	2. Under Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to Panam who just doesn't stop to try to get into V's pants no matter how often he let's her down... just get the hints, girl.

“I hope this isn't one of your _great_ plans again, Panam” V said accentuated, the faint hint of annoyance in his voice that seemed to be so ever present when she was introducing him to her ideas. However Panam couldn't help it – seeing him on Scorpion's bike, the sun setting behind him, a warm feeling settled in her stomach. He took care of the ride – honoured it – she could see that. Things like that were what made him so special to her.

So why – why! - couldn't she just woman up and ask him for an actual date instead of luring him out into the Badlands under stupid, wrong circumstances?

“Don't worry, V. It's an easy job. Just have to deal with some scavengers that will come around tonight, carrying some valuable junk that does not belong in their hands. It's paid well and easy”, Pan explained and got up from the blanket she'd been sitting on to step next to V, pointing down towards the road in the distance.

They'd agreed to meet on top of a small cliff, where one had a good view over this part of the desert while remaining unseen. Of course Panam had made sure that it was more than that – a campfire was already set, she'd brought a blanket, the sky was clear today and would offer a great view on the starry night sky. She could tell him about the constellations, they would drink a beer or two, it would get cold, they would cuddle – her plan was perfect.

The right moment. This time it would be the right moment, the one she'd been looking out for. No Saul sleeping next to them in the shed, no other Nomads being around, no stinky, tight tank to be strapped in. This time he sure wouldn't shy away.

It was... adorable. He was so tough on the outside, calculating and smart but Panam was sure that he had this soft, shy core, buried somewhere underneath this cold netrunner shell. She had seen it a few times already – that soft spot of his. Also – why else would he come and answer her call for help – again?

“Come on, sit down. We can crack a cold one together while we wait for the scavengers to show up”, Panam said and patted the spot next to her after dropping down on the blanket again.

“Mhm”, V said but shook his head, “But no beer for me. I haven't slept well the past... four or five nights. Don't think some booze will do me good right now.”

Panam gave him a worried look.

“The thing in your head?”

“The thing in my head.”

She let out a sigh and looked at the two bottles in her hands. So much for her plan to help him loosen up a bit through alcohol...

The fire crackled and the noise of cars roaming the big roads seemed to be so far away.

“Sounds like the waves of the sea, don't you think”, Panam said softly.

“Hm?” V seemed to listen for a moment. “Hm... don't know. I think I've heard the constant noises of cars so much that... I blend them out by now and don't hear them at all.” He shrugged. “It's quiet out here, though. So different from the city.”

Panam turned her head to take in his profile. That short black hair, dyed green at the top, these cold white eyes, the beard with the tiny braid. And yet, to her, he looked so vulnerable right now. Who knew what it felt like, to have this biochip eating up ones brain? Panam wanted to hug him. Tell him that everything would be alright. Press him tightly against her bust. Make love to him the whole night.

She scooted closer but the moment their legs touched, V seemed to shift a bit into a different position, breaking the contact.

“The clear sky brings out the stars so well”, she said and looked up, pointing at a certain constellation. “The Great Dipper is over there. See it?”

V nodded.

Panam shivered slightly and gave him a helpless look. “Clear sky also means its colder than usual. Guess I should've brought more than just one blanket...”, she said, rubbing her arms, her eyes gazing into his.

V raised one eyebrow.

This must be the right moment, she thought, the moment where he sure would embrace her, where she would put her head on his shoulder, and silence would follow and she would be brave enough to take the first step and just kiss him.

Panam blinked in mild irritation, being pulled out of her thoughts when she felt something heavy around her. His jacket.

“That should help”, he said and stretched. “Sorry, Pan. I think I try and... take a nap. I am really done with today. Just wake me up when the scavengers turn up, alright? Don't try to do this thing alone.” He didn't bother to cover his yawn before he curled up on the blanket.

Panam stared at him. _Great._ It was almost fascinating how fast V was able to fall asleep and snore quietly if it wasn't so fucking _frustrating_. Pan let out a low groan and shook her head, before she decided to simply sit there and stare into the fire.

* * *

V wasn't as spaced out as Panam thought he was. Like so often these days he didn't really fall asleep. Maybe he was afraid of it. Afraid that he wouldn't wake up again. Not as himself.

Didn't help that he heard Johnny's voice in his head right now when he desperately tried to grab some sleep.

_'V. What are you doing. She wants your dick.'_

V didn't open his eyes. He knew he would see Johnny's image standing there, smoking his cigarette and giving him this certain the-fuck-are-you-doing-look.

 _'I know. She's not exactly subtle. And doesn't seem to get my hints',_ V answered in his thoughts, knowing Johnny would hear it.

_'Ya know you could just give me control for a few minutes there, I will make sure to make her happy...'_

_'Suuuure. Of course you would. Forget it, Johnny. I am not giving you my body to bone Panam!'_

_'Oh but I had to watch how you got boned by Kerry?'_

_'No one forced you to watch and now shut the fuck up, you're giving me a headache.'_

And sometimes miracles did happen because Johnny actually did shut up and V promised himself to use this silence to try and take that nap he deserved so much. Even if it was just to get out of that awkward situation with Panam. And indeed he did drift away eventually. Maybe the cold wind helped. Maybe the quiet. Maybe the melody of a certain guitar riff that has been looping in his mind non stop.

* * *

Panam felt stupid, sitting on this stupid blanket with this stupid camp fire and the stupid stars – and V asleep and snoring next to her. So she got up and decided to wander around a bit, she felt like stretching her legs. No scavengers would come. She'd lied to V about it, to get him out here, just the two of them. Now she felt stupid because of it. But she would let him sleep – he deserved a peaceful rest. At least one. Maybe she should've been honest from the start. Just tell him: V, I like you. Want to go out for a date under the stars? We can shoot at things later.

But she didn't.

Panam sighed and was about to kick a stone from the cliff when she felt a vibration in her pocket. She pulled out the cellphone basically on instinct and it came to her too late that she wasn't wearing her own jacket right now – and that this wasn't her phone at all.

Her eyes already locked on the message that popped up on the screen:

'Planning to :) don't really know if there's anything left to conquer though. You're already mine, right? (I know, I knooooow, it's cringe. But I couldn't hold myself back!)'

Suddenly she felt like being thrown into cold water, torn between dropping the phone and reading the whole conversation.

“Fuck, Panam... this is private... don't read it...”, she whispered to herself. “Don't. Read. It.” But her hand obviously had other plans than her head because she already opened the whole conversation and even though she was still mumbling to herself to not read a thing that was part of V's private love life – she couldn't stop reading.

“Fuck. I am such a gonk!”, she called out, louder than she wanted to and started to walk in circles. “So stupid. I'm so stupid.”

“Pan...”

“I'm so dense! How could I not see it? Fuck, I made such a fool out of myself!”

“Panam...”

“Like – the fuck. Of course he's gay. Of course he's already seeing someone! What was I even _thinking?!_ ”

“Panaaaaaaam.”

She froze and then stared at V who was sitting on the blanket, obviously awake and holding out his hand towards her. “My phone? Pretty please?”

She made a tiny, helpless sound and dropped it into his palm before dropping down next to him, her head hanging, her face buried in her hands in shame.

“I'm so sorry V. I shouldn't have read your messages”, she mumbled.

“It's okay. It's not cool, but it's okay. No hard feelings though.”

Slowly she lowered her hands and dared to look at him.

“You must think I'm a complete gonk.”

V laughed a bit – it was nice to hear him laugh, it was nice to see him relax... at least a little bit.

“Nah. Honestly? I feel flattered. In another life, you and me could've been something, maybe. Sorry. I should have been straight with you from the start. About... you know. Not being straight.”

Panam shook her head. “I should've gotten your hints in the first place.” She let out another long sigh but found herself to feel better already. He wasn't mad at her. That was important.

Panam looked at him and for a while they just shared silence before a tiny smirk crossed her face.

“But... Kerry Eurodyne? _The_ Kerry Eurodyne? I mean... even a desert girl like me knows him. Does that mean you're the boy toy of a rocker legend, V?”, she joked.

“Hey. Am no ones toy”, V said with a frown on his face and Panam already felt sorry for her words.

She cleared her throat. “So I guess it's something more serious, then...?”, she asked softly.

V dropped his gaze, shrugging. “Maybe.”

“You like him?”

“A lot.”

“He likes you?”

“I'm sure he does.”

Panam smiled a warm smile and put a hand on his shoulder. “Then I am happy for you, V. You deserve it.” Her smile faded and suddenly a hint of worry crossed her face. “Does he know about...”, she started and V nodded.

“Yeah.”

Conversation over. No talking about the biochip.

For a while they sat in awkward silence. Panam wasn't sure what to say to a dying man... she'd already assured him that he had a family and that this family would do everything to help him save his life from the biochip.

But then Panam smiled again. She'd seen a part of V in those messages, a part he didn't show. In the end she'd been right – he had a soft side. Somewhere inside of the man in front of her was a caring, loving person. A person who would send smileys to his lover and tell him that he missed him. And she suddenly found herself to be okay with the fact that she wasn't the one receiving those words.

“So...”, she said. “... tell me about your first date with him?”

V gave her a surprised look. For a second or two she could swear that he would just block again, not answering her question. But then he relaxed a bit and she noticed something warm in his eyes and that hint of a smile on his face.

“Well it was on top of a roof, Night City to our feet...”


	3. Never Fade Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you leave Night City, you leave more behind than just your life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Careful: Spoiler ahead for one of the endings of the game! So this is actually not a canon short story for my V, since this is not his canon ending. His canon ending is the Afterlife ending (The Sun), even though he's a corpo V. But that's maybe a story for another time. However I recently took a look at the other paths too – Arasaka and the Nomad ending. And boy did I dislike the Nomad ending. And I disliked it so much, that it gave me the idea for this one-shot.  
> Enjoy.  
> Also, please keep in mind that English isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes – but feel free to show them to me!  
> 

“You're listening to his voice mail again, V? For how many times now? It's been a month... don't you think you need to start to let go...?” Panam's voice was just a careful whisper in the night as she sat next to him.

V lifted his head, his gaze met hers. He narrowed his eyes a bit and let his phone vanish into his pocket.

“I'm starting to believe he's right”, he said after a while.

A puzzled look crossed Panam's face. “About what?”

V made a wide gesture with his right arm. “This. Let's face it, Panam. This is not me. You guys you... _bloom_ here. Cassidy sleeps tight at night like a damn baby and I can't stop tossing around in my tent. I just don't get used to the silence. There is no noise at night. And there is sand everywhere. In places where I don't want sand to be.”

“Just give it some time...”

V shook his head. “I don't _have_ time, Panam. I thought you were aware of that.” He turned his head away, his face grim. V wasn't very accepting of his death.

Panam picked up a pebble and threw it into thorny bushes.

“You want to go back to him.”

“...”

“He didn't even bother to call once after that voice mail, right?”

“Neither did I.”

“V. I hate to be that straight but you've been nothing than a joy toy to a rich celebrity guy.”

“Stop.”

“J-just because someone desires you doesn't mean they _value_ you, V!”, she begged. Tried to make him understand. Tried to get it into his thick skull.

“Stop before you say something you'll regret!” V's voice was sharp. Dangerously sharp. “You have no idea what you're talking about.”

“He dropped you, V!” Panam was almost yelling into his face now.

V grit his teeth and swallowed the anger.

“I never really gave him a fucking choice now, did I!? Just dropped this decision on him. New life, new V. My decision. My adventure. Me running off with my Nomad friends and expecting him to leave everything behind and follow me like a love sick teenager into this hell hole that you guys call life.” Panam backed off. It stung that he carefully used the word _friends_ – not family.

And boy V's anger was infective.

“Now _you_ better fucking think about what you're saying before you regret it!”, she hissed and poked his chest, a deep frown on her face. V held her angry gaze only for a few seconds before he sighed. He had no time for fights.

“Sorry, Pan. Didn't mean it like that. You folks are great and helped me when I needed you all the most. And it's not- I mean- do you know that feeling when you meet someone and you just know that... he's the one missing piece?” He got up and dusted his trousers off from sand. Damn sand. It was everywhere.

Panam's gaze lingered on him, brown eyes cloaked in sad shadows. “I do know that feeling.”

V walked over to his tent, Scorpion's loyal bike was already packed with little he owned. Panam quickly followed him.

“You're serious about this”, she mumbled. “You are really going to leave and go back to Night City. What is with all your talk about freedom, about-”

V turned around. “You call this freedom? 'tis just another cage, Panam. Eating Possums, looting junk, roasting in the evening sun and freezing in a cold night. Besides I constantly have to worry about my... my condition. Not easy finding a Ripper Doc out here with the skill of Viktor.” He shook his head and took off his jacket – the Aldecaldo jacket.

“I'm sorry, Panam. Don't think I am not grateful but I want to go home.”

“But V... you _are_ home. You have a family here. People that care about you...”

“I already had that. And threw it away.”

She caught the jacket and stared at it like it was a hissing snake. When she lifted her gaze again, she already saw V sitting on the bike, the engine running.

“See ya, Panam.”

Later, much later, Panam was still standing at the very spot V had left her. It was Mitch who pulled her out of her sulking.

“Ya know what they say”, he hummed and took a sip from a can of beer. “You can get the rat out of the corp, but you will never get the corp out of the rat.”

“Mitch...”, she sighed.

“He thought he owed us because of Teddy, Bob... because of Saul. Their deaths lie heavy on his soul. I hope he knows that he doesn't owe us anything at all.”

Panam took in a deep breath and looked over to the thin line of orange that took a peek over the horizon. It would be a beautiful sunrise. And a beautiful day. She nodded slowly. “Me too, Mitch... me too.”

_A thing of beauty — I know  
Will never fade away  
What you did to me — I know  
Said what you had to say  
But a thing of beauty — I know  
Will never fade away  
And I'll do my duty — I know  
Somehow I'll find a way  
But a thing of beauty  
Will never fade away  
And I'll do my duty _

_Samurai – Never Fade Away_

V was exhausted. His body wanted to give up. Coughed up blood a few times. Yet he'd only stopped when he had to. And it had been a hell long of a ride. If he would've flatlined somewhere in the Badlands no one would've been there. No one would've found him.

But he'd made it. And now he and his bike stood in front of the large mansion that gazed over the eternal neon lights of Night City.

V had to admit – it felt good to be back on familiar roads. Yes, the city was a whore, was Babylon, was a monster with several heads that swallowed everything that came through it's throat. But that was the point. There had been a time when he was the one who had this beast at it's throat. Was on top. Became a Night City legend. He couldn't tame this beast. But boy could he ride it.

What he couldn't ride any more, however, was his bike. The moment he tried to get off, he fell. Met the asphalt face forward.

“Shit...”, he mumbled, his vision blurry and he could swear something was alive in his stomach and wanted out. He gave himself some time, just lying there on the ground before he pulled himself up again, forced his body to work. He threw in a pill he'd bought from a very arguable guy on the road and felt his neurons boosting up. Whatever drug it was, it helped him to walk straight again.

He straightened his back and let a hand wander through his hair, wondering if he looked as shitty as he felt like. Probably covered in dust and sand and whatnot.

V could hear music blasting inside, rock music. Kerry's own songs, actually. He wondered on what trip Ker was that he needed to listen to his own songs on blasting volume.

Standing in front of the door, his hand hovering over the bell, he hesitated. Maybe he should've called Kerry before stumbling up on his front yard.

“Well that's too late now, right Joh-” A sting in his chest. He still sometimes forgot. In times like these however...

Damn he could've used a voice of advice. Even if it was something like: shit, V, don't do that, you're stupid.

V pressed the button. The screen said 'calling'. Once again he tried to straighten up but felt like he had to lean on the wall.

It took a while until the door opened -

And there he was.

Standing right in front of him.

“Kerry Eurodyne.”

“Fuck. V.”

Kerry just looked at him, something unreadable in his eyes. Bewildered? Glad? Surprised? Angry?

V couldn't tell but Kerry turned around to shout something into the house.

“Alright folks, party is over, everyone out...!”

V tried to get a peek over Kerry's shoulder, hearing annoyed calls of protest and voices and the music suddenly getting turned off.

“I am serious, get the fuck outta here you lead heads!” Kerry shouted again, as charming as ever and V couldn't help but smile. The same fire, still burning.

A couple of people all somewhere on the scale between tipsy and dead ass drunk started to leave the house. The lack of clothes on all of them was kind of worrying. A young man seemed to hesitate, starring at Kerry. “Hey... you're going to give me a call, right?”, he asked but got no answer. “Right?”

And with that Kerry slammed the door shut behind himself and V.

“Bad moment?”, V asked and followed Ker inside, towards one of the white couches, carefully avoiding to step into anything he didn't want to step in.

“Meh”, was the answer. “Not really. Party was about to bore me any way.”

Kerry dropped on the couch, his arms over the rest.

V slowly sat down opposite of him. He wasn't too confident to throw his body around right now. Not even for simply falling into some cushions.

Suddenly something seemed to fall off from Kerry, though. His face was suddenly full of worry and there was this hidden, lingering pain in his eyes.

“V, shit. You look awful.”

“Thanks, Ker. You look great too”, V joked half-assed.

“I mean it. What happened to you? Shit. You didn't come here to- _shit_. Tell me you didn't drop by to say some... some final...”

“No, no no no, Ker. Chill. Man, what are you thinking? That I would be so petty to not give you a call for a month and then drop on your door step, breathing my last breath? Come on. Thought you'd know me better.”

Kerry frowned, it was clear that he didn't fully buy it.

“I just had an ass long ride behind me. Been on the road for three straight days. Exhausted, that's all”, V said, feeling the need to assure him that he was alright.

“Cool. Cool”, Kerry said, nodding slowly. “You brought some olives?”

V raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Olives?”

“Yeah. My Martini's looking sad without them.” Kerry gave a nod towards one of the many glasses on the table.

V chuckled. “'fraid not.” A warm smile stretched over his face but it faded away as quick as it came. “Ker... look. The reason I'm here...”

“... is to tell me you're sorry? And hope that I maybe forgive you? Or wanna load some shit on me, rather? That everything is my fault, telling me how I should've followed you and stick with you and drop everything?”

V fell silent. Held his gaze with ease. “Yeah. Actually I am here to tell you I'm sorry.”

Kerry looked... baffled. And for once he was out of words, it seemed. V used this moment to get up and sit down next to Kerry. He reached out with his hand, hesitating just for a moment but then he put it on Kerry's thigh, squeezing it a bit.

“I should've never left. Not you, not Night City. I thought leaving was what I had to do. To get my head clear, to get away from... all of this _shit_. Arasaka, Mikoshi, Johnny... everything. And I guess I was so full of it that I didn't even take a lame second to think about what you wanted. And I was mad at you when I found out you didn't wanted the same thing. But the truth is... that you were right. That life, on the road, in the desert...” V shook his head gently, still holding Kerry's gaze. “... it's not mine. And I missed you, Ker. Every damn second out there in this ugly desert I missed you.”

That moment it broke over Kerry. “Fuck, V...”, he whispered and buried his face in his hands for a moment, his voice shaking so slightly. Dropping his hands, he let his gaze wander around restless. Looking everywhere, just not at the man sitting next to him. “When you left... at first I was riding a damn high. Working on the new album. New demo's. Felt like I finally owned this damn city. But the shadows, V... they came back.”

“Kerry...”

“No. You hear me out now, Mister I-drop-by-in-the-middle-of-the-night-without-even-giving-a-warning-call.” Kerry faced him now, biting his lip for a second to stop it from trembling. “At first I could keep the thoughts at bay, new music helped me, booze did the rest. But every silent hour that I was alone with myself I couldn't stop thinking about it, seeing you somewhere far away, dead, somewhere in the desert, I couldn't even-” He took in a sharp breath and blinked. “I was scared back then. I am still scared. I don't want to lose you, V. There. Said it. I don't want to lose you.”

V's hand moved from Kerry's thigh to his shoulder.

“I didn't plan any of this Kerry. I'm sorry.”

“Fuck you are. Asshole”, the other man said and suddenly stood up. “Follow me. Wanna show you something.”

He made a hasty gesture with his hand, not even turning around to check if V was really following as he already headed towards the stairs and the upper part of the apartment.

Feeling another wave of exhaustion washing over him and hoping that this damn pill would just do it's job, V slowly got up and also followed slowly upstairs.

Kerry was standing next to a large bed that didn't looked totally threshed and held a data pad in his hand. He didn't lift his gaze and just waved V towards him. “C'mere”

V dragged himself to the bed, happy that Kerry didn't see how awfully slow he moved.

“So? What's this about?”, he said, sitting down at the end of the bed.

“Sssh”, Kerry hushed him and then fell on the bed himself, his arms crossed behind his head.

For a few seconds the room was filled with silence but then V heard the music. The volume was still set on loud from the party earlier – but the song sounded different.

Much different.

V relaxed. A smile slowly showed up on his face. This time it was about to stay. The tension and even the exhaustion fell from him like a dirty coat and he allowed himself to lay back, next to Kerry, starring at the ceiling too, listening to the raw, unfinished melody and lyrics of this demo song.

But damn it was the most beautiful thing he experienced since...

Since he had heard it being played on a single guitar while sailing the _Seamurai_ into the sunset and it's burning and exploding doom.

“I know that song”, V said softly.

“You're the only one who does, at this moment. Yeah you and a few guys in the studio, obviously. It's still not finished. Still needs polishing... but guess what it's about.”

“Me?”, V chuckled.

“Damn right.”

Kerry propped himself up on one elbow so he could look at V.

V reached up with one hand, cupping Kerry's cheek. He felt how he relaxed into this touch and for a second V bothered to waste a thought on why the hell he'd thought that it was a good idea to trade this man for a life on the road. For a moment they remained like this, a gentle touch and just music between them, no words. But then V pulled Kerry down into a thirsty kiss. Almost desperate his hands clawed into bleach blond hair and judging from the playful bite that he gave V on his neck, Kerry didn't mind about the rough treatment.

V's heart skipped a beat in anticipation when Kerry just tore the shirt of his body before he got rid of his own. Not a moment later they were entangled again, body pressed against body, lips pressed against lips.

“I swear V... you reek of oil and dust and sand and lack of shower”, Kerry growled against V's ear.

“Ah. Turns you on, doesn't it?”

“If I wasn't so fucking hard into you, I would throw you into the pool. No questions asked.”

“We can do that later, if you want”, V murmured.

Kerry backed away from V for a moment, for the sole purpose to look into his eyes again. “I swear, V. If you dare to leave me again... then I will find you and break your legs”, he growled.

“I make mistakes, Ker. But not the same mistakes twice”, V answered, his breath still going heavy. He _was_ worked up. No doubt in that.

“I see you're a smart boy”, Kerry smirked, “I like that about you. But now let's just... just shut up. We have a lot of catching up to do.”

V said nothing. His smile turned into a grin before he pulled Kerry down into his arms again, into another heated kiss.

This moment. In this city. With this man. Right here. Right now. It was where he belonged to. Always would.

And he would never allow himself to fade away from it again.


	4. Fish Kinilaw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kerry is full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I had planned for a different one shot than this one but it will be one with a heavy topic and I felt like writing some more damn fluff and a bit of character exploration and their roots and origins, so her ya go.  
> This one shot is set after the canon ending for this V - the Afterlife ending. (called "The Sun")  
> It's also inspired by a Gig in game in which you have to steal Kerry's guitar from a crazy Samurai fan but...  
> you will see.
> 
> As always, please keep in mind that English isn't my native language so please forgive me my mistakes - but feel free to show them to me!

“The fuck you think you're doing, V?” Kerry's voice was sharp. Angry. Promised a fight.

“What's the problem? I'm gonna delta. Am late already”, V answered as calm and casual as possible. He didn't want an argument. Not another one.

“Yeah that _is_ exactly the problem, gonkbrain!”

“Look. Kerry. What ever it is, I'm sure it can wait until tonight. Need to be at the Afterlife in like... 10 minutes ago-”, V said and tried to pull Kerry into a hug but the other man just winded out of it and took an angry drag of his cigarette before poking V's chest.

“Don't you Kerry me like that. You always do this when you don't want to talk. And you never want to talk. And every time you come home at night after promising the same shit you're either too tired or too exhausted or not in the mood. And we don't end up talking, we don't end up fucking either, we don't even end up cuddling. Fuck, V. I am not letting you off like that today.” Kerry threw a glance at V, some dangerous fire in his eyes, before he flicked the cigarette butt into an ash tray and stared at the City to their feet, leaning on the balcony railing.

V frowned and crossed his arms over his chest, feeling the need to get defensive. Oh yeah, the argument was coming alright.

“Maybe talking to you when I get home would be easier if you weren't either drunk or high or both”, he snarled.

“Oh, sure. It's my fault then, like always. Fuck. I sometimes wonder how much of Johnny is left inside of you. It's impossible to get things into that thick skull of yours sometimes. You should go and see Viktor and let that chip of yours getting checked for remains of an engram!”

V's frown got deeper. He hated it when Kerry pulled the _you're-just-like-Johnny_ -card. However sometimes he wondered how much his own personality had been altered... he kept telling himself that it didn't but... he couldn't even tell any more.

“V... you think I don't notice the blood strains on your pillow...”, Kerry said after a few moments of angry silence. His gaze was glued at some point on the horizon and for a moment, V thought, he actually looked very old. Implants, money and organic food could do a lot but sometimes, the weight of life's years would simply show. “You promised me you would take things easier after that last, big thing... wasn't even sure you would come back alive from fucking space... but you did. And man I was glad you did.”

V stepped beside him, putting an arm around his shoulder. This time Kerry didn't back off.

“It's not fair to ask you to watch me die.”

Kerry turned his head to the side.

“But I am all out on fair, Ker...”, V continued.

“You know that I'm going to stay with you til- - you know I am going to stay”, Kerry assured him, “But that's the point, I want the time we got...- I want it to be _our_ time, I want to spend it together”, he continued with emphasis.

It hit V like a truck at full speed. He'd been diving deep into his job as Night City's _Bad Boy_ , head of the Afterlife, taking one Gig after another to throw himself into _life_ so he could avoid to think about _death_. But each day was a day less with Kerry.

He'd taken him for granted.

What a big, fucking mistake.

All of a sudden V felt like a piece of shit. Maybe he did become like Johnny. Neglecting the people that cared about him, only thinking about himself. He leaned heavy on the balcony railing.

“Fuck...”, he whispered, more to himself though. “I'm so sorry, Kerry. Been a selfish bastard the past couple of weeks. Took you for granted.”

“Yeah better not do that. Lot of people want me. I'm famous”, Kerry said and V had to chuckle a bit. He stood up straight again, cupped Kerry's cheek with one hand to gently force him to face him. The kiss was soft. Almost shy. Yet sweet. Reminded V of a first time. Their first time.

“Way to make me shut up, V”, Kerry said with a smirk but still lingered a while into V's touch before he went to go inside. V followed him.

“We could go to my place in Florida. Bet sun will do you good... we could go right now. Or how about we just stay here, we get naked on the couch and binge watch the latest season of Watson Whore and I cook something nice, or we-”

“Wait wait wait”, V interrupted him. “ _You_ want to cook? You _can_ cook? I saw you doing a lot of things but cooking wasn't one of them.”

“Surprised?”, Kerry asked, turning around after he gave the coffee machine the order to brew him a cup.

“Yeah. Actually I am”, V said honestly.

“Learned to cook from my Mom when I was a kid. Said no woman would want a man who can't cook for himself.”

V laughed. “Bet that turned out well for you.”

“Never was good at it, though. Later, when I returned to the Philippines, after parting ways with Samurai... I picked it up again. Figured it's good for the soul. These days... neglected it like I neglected so many parts of myself. But hey... some soul food might do you good now. Might do _us_ good. What ya say?”, Kerry took the cup, sipped a bit of coffee, his eyes on V.

“Well pinch me in, I say. But I probably can't do more than watch. Never bothered to learn to cook for myself... hell I had a Burrito vendor in my old apartment, even. Want me to go and buy whatever you need?”

“Nah gonna order it online aaand...”, Kerry started and his eyes began to glow in blue light while he was silent for a few moments, “... it's on the way.”

V was surprised how fast Kerry went through whatever ingredients he needed and wondered if he'd something like this in mind for a while now. He didn't want to ask, though, because it would just remind him of how much he'd neglected Kerry lately.

He got pulled out of his thoughts when his phone rang. V let out a sigh before picking up and threw a glance at Kerry, noticing the frown on his face.

“Yeah what's up – no – not that, just not coming in today – yeah – because I say so. No. - yeah tell Claire to shut the place at the usual time. - No I don't. Yep. Do that. See ya.” V hung up, his eyes still on Kerry he noticed that the frown turned upside down into a smile.

“And with that I am fully yours for tonight”, he said and turned his phone off.

“Just for tonight, hu?”

“Let's... not get ahead of ourselves. We'll see. Alright Ker?”

It looked like Kerry decided to take what he could get and also made the wise choice not to comment it any further. It would otherwise end up in another argument, V was sure about that.

_Later..._

“So what are we having?”, V asked curiously, his eyes on the _All 'Ganic_ bag while Kerry started to unpack.

“Well had to improvise a bit, but kinilaw is made different in every province any way so who cares. So we got some rice... coconut vinegar, spices because I am sure you don't have any here, chili, ginger, veggies to the side with bit of coconut milk, garlic-”

“Wait wait is that a real garlic clove?” V picked it up, to take a good look at it.

“What money can buy ya. I mean it has to be the good stuff, organic stuff V... if this 'posed to be some food for the soul I have to make sure it's none synth crap. But if you're already fascinated by some garlic, man, you should see this. Hard to get some catch of the day but it will do.” And with that Kerry pulled out a package of frozen fish.

V's eyes widened a bit. That must've cost a fortune. Then again... nobody really cared about money in this household...

“Ever eaten real fish?”, Kerry asked.

“Yeah. You know being a corpo rat wasn't only puking my lungs out in the office toilet because of stress. Had it's perks, too. I remember one business trip to Japan, to Arasaka head quarters... we ate Sushi there, _real_ Sushi, cook made it in front of our eyes from real fish.”

Kerry scoffed. “Looking at you it's really hard to imagine that you've been a cog in the corpo wheel of Arasaka”, he said and went through the cupboards. “Gotta see if you're stocked up on good knives and pans... you ever use this kitchen?”

“I use the coffee machine.”

“Uhu.”

“And the fridge. I think there's a bottle of juice in there...?”

Kerry found what he was looking for and started to cut up the vegetables.

“So we're having kinilau?”

“ _Kinilaw_. Not the most famous thing, but I doubt you would know any of that any way. V... I think I never asked you that but... where are your roots? Where are you from?”

V shrugged, leaning against the kitchen cabinet as he watched Kerry doing his thing.

“Been a Night City boy, always. Born here. Parents came all the way from Mexico. Never been there myself, though. We were poor, I had the chance to make it big in the Corpo world so... guess I did exactly that, feeling that I owed my parents... well, they got killed in a gang fight and I was stuck in the office 'til shit went down the drain, as you know. Now only thing my parents ever left me was my name, Vincent.”

“Yeah. Not gonna start and call you that.”

“Much appreciated.”

V stretched, folding his arms behind his head. “You know... getting snuffed out with a bullet and wake up with a terrorist slash rock star in your head really puts life into perspective... felt like everything I've done before... just didn't matter at all and was a useless waste of my life. Time I gladly would take back, now that I am running out of it.”

Kerry stopped for a moment and lifted his head, throwing a worried look at V. “Hey just for tonight can we... not talk about this?”

V lowered his arms, a look of mild surprise on his face. “Yeah. Sure.” He frowned. Sometime he felt like Kerry was just ignoring the fact that he would most likely die in a couple of months, granted he was still searching for a miracle and not entirely giving up but... chances were more close to zero than zero was to one. Maybe he wouldn't even see through the winter. And it made V angry and bitter that Kerry often seemed to act like it wouldn't happen but he came to realize that it wasn't ignorance. It was like cooking and staying home one night – the attempt to at least try and have a somewhat normal life. Even if it was just for that one night. Carefree. And free of shadows.

“You know what this reminds me of?”, V suddenly said and pushed himself off the cabinet to start and search for a shard that he'd been hiding somewhere in his office desk.

“What – me cooking? That reminds you of something?”, Kerry shouted from the stove. The room was already filled with the delicious smell of fried garlic and chili, mixed with the sweet smell of coconut milk. It truly was mouth watering.

“Yeah. You cooking. I had a Gig not so long ago. Had to steal uh... something from a crazy Samurai fan”, V said and finally found the shard. A wicked smile showed on his face as he returned to Kerry.

“So I went through his stuff to... find what the client wanted and found this little piece of valuable data”, he continued and handed Kerry the shard.

“Is that porn?”, Ker asked, raising an eyebrow.

V tried to look as innocent and casual as possible and shook his head. “Better. Come on, take a look... I promise you'll have a good laugh. I sure had one.”

Kerry was still suspicious but took the shard, inserted it and soon his eyes had a blue glow and V could see that he was reading. And while he did, the look on his face could probably only be described as _'what the serious fuck am I reading here?!'_

“ _-'I know, Kerry said and smiled with a tear in his eye... And because he felt the same way he put his lips on Johnny's and kissed him warmly and softly, the tear falling from his cheek... Then he smiled, breathed deeply and slowly and whispered in Johnny's ear – And now we'll always be together...'_ ”, Kerry read out loud and it had V bursting out in laughter. “What the serious fucking hell! Is that... fucking fan fiction of me and Johnny?! From fucking 2021? Holy fuck, someone please wipe my memories because I will never recover from this shit! And stop laughing, you gonk! This is horrible! And seriously awfully written!”

It took a few seconds until V was able to breath and talk again and he had to wipe a tear out of his eye, still grinning like an idiot.

“You should've seen yer face, Ker. Hilarious”, he chuckled, “That what it means to be famous, hu?”

Kerry rolled his eyes and checked the dish that was steaming on the stove. “People writing cringey fan fiction about you is not even in the top ten of crazy stuff fans will do”, Kerry said and turned to face V, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You mean crazy stuff like selling you Militech weapons, drugs and black market C-6? But hey at least you're better at cooking than the version of you on that shard”, V smirked and threw a glance at the steaming pots. “I hope.”

Kerry walked towards V, who was leaning against the kitchen counter again.

“You _hope_. Dare to hurt my pride again and I'm gonna hurt you”, Ker said with lowered voice, locking eyes with the other man. V suddenly felt like prey and a rush of heat running through his whole body when Kerry put his hands to the left and right of his hips, basically leaning against him. 

“Dinner needs to steam a bit”, Kerry said and forced his knee between V's legs, pressing his thigh against his dick – that happily answered by getting hard and making his pants uncomfortable tight. Yeah, maybe he'd not only neglected Kerry's needs for a while... 

V took in a sharp breath, resting his arms on Ker's shoulders.

“Quickie on the kitchen counter?”, he asked.. 

“Quickie on the kitchen counter”, Kerry answered with a smirk.

Not a moment later both men were busy to get out of their pants, soon being lost to each other, lost into each other.

It should turn out to be an appetizer to a night of being naked on the couch, a night of binge watching Watson Whore, a night to teach V that Kerry was always full of surprises – like being an exceptional good cook – a night of drifting towards sleep into each others arms for once.

It was long past midnight, Kerry's head against V's chest, his quiet snoring being the only thing that filled the room until a low coughing added to it. V wiped his mouth. Even in the darkness he saw something wet shimmering on his hand, knowing it was blood. He knew he was running low on life time. V turned his head a bit, to take look at the sleeping Kerry.

So he better made damn sure he spent it well.

###    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've never eaten traditional dishes from the Philippines and had to rely on Google here so I hope I didn't do anything wrong on the Kinilaw part!  
> Also the Johnny/Kerry fan fiction that's mentioned in the story is NOT my idea. It is a shard you can actually find in the game, you can find it on the table in the apartment of said Samurai fan when doing the Gig to steal Kerry's guitar (I think it's a Gig done for The Padre). The whole thing is hilarious. If you ever get the chance, find that shard and read it.


	5. A Vision Of Your Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V explores some of Kerry's shadows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the planned one shot I was talking about earlier though there are hints about it in this one here too.  
> This one is actually inspired by mails and files that you can find in game on Kerry's laptop and some of them... raise questions?  
> I tried to answer them in his one shot.  
> The title, "A VISION OF YOUR MEMORIES", is a WIP song by Kerry, you can find it on his terminal.

“Kerry never did get it - only one thing worse than unfulfilled dreams. Dreams that come true.”

\- Johnny Silverhand

V woke up.

It was the first good night sleep he had since days. The, well, _intense_ _exercise_ of the night probably took part in that... waking up with a 'where am I, who am I and what year is it' feeling was something that barely happened these days.

V groaned, annoyed by the fact that his brain had decided to finally kick him out of the world of dreams and he slowly opened his eyes, blinked because the happy, bright sun shone right into his face through large walls of glass – couldn't call that a window.

His hand reached out behind him but he felt that the other side of the bed was empty. And turning around told him: yes, he was alone.

Rubbing his eyes he searched the floor next to the bed for his pants and even managed to reach into their pockets without falling out of the bed.

“What time is it...”, he mumbled to himself but instead of noticing the clock on the phone screen, he noticed a message set on unread.

“Hey :*

didn't want to wake someone who snores like a truck driver but didn't want to stay in bed either. went to get special coffee and breakfast. make yourself at home but would be preem if you don't delta already, thou I kno you're busy.

\- Kerry (yours!)”

V smiled like a gonk at his phone but then he actually noticed the time and cursed under his breath. _'Shit. Already 10... that contract for the Padre should've been closed yesterday night already and here I am....'_ He got up, gathering his clothes that were scattered on the floor all around the bed but then held still for a moment.

Ah fuck it.

He was late already.

So might as well have breakfast with Kerry.

Deciding that it would be smart to hit the shower first and kill some time through that, he dropped his pile of clothes on the bed and went for the bath room.

 _'Wow. Kerry never bought me coffee. Or breakfast.'_ He noticed Johnny leaning against the door. V gave him an annoyed look (and as always felt stupid for looking like that at something that was nothing but a product of his mind). _'Well you probably never earned it',_ he answered.

He could hear Johnny scoff. _'Gladly pass on that if I had to do with him what you did the night.'_

V rolled his eyes, opening his mouth for a second before he reminded himself that there was no need to talk out loud. _'Are you going to comment on my sex life all the time now? Is it because I am not into chicks? That your problem, Mister Rockstar, Sir?'_

While standing under the warm water, V could basically feel Johnny's cocky smirk, spread all over his face.

_'Nah. But I mean... it's Kerry.'_

_'Okay, sorry for fucking your friend from your old band days. There. Happy?'_ V turned around, stepping out of the shower, but he couldn't see Johnny any more. Frowning he dried himself, slipped into his shorts and threw himself on the couch.

He had a few calls to make, a few messages to answer, a few jobs to check.

_'Am actually glad it's you. And not some celebrity hungry fuck boy who wants him for his money or for his fame or fuck I know. Glad it's someone who wants him for his rocker boy heart, someone who helped him find himself again.'_

V blinked in surprise, staring at a smoking Johnny, who looked out of the large windows, eyes hidden behind large sun glasses. Truth be told V didn't know to react to these words. It was easier for him to get along with the Johnny who made snarky remarks, who told him he was a gonkbrain, who had sarcastic comments about the fucked up Corpo world – but the Johnny who opened up his heart to him? Difficult to handle. But not unwelcome.

“I... thanks, Johnny, I mean-” V said out loud, not even realizing. But something interrupted him. A noise of an incoming video call on the open laptop on the table. Not his laptop. Not his video call.

V decided to ignore it.

 _'Might be important_ ', Johnny said.

V's eyes were back on his phone. _'Not my business'._

A minute passed by. And another one.

Who ever called was persistent.

Very persistent.

_'Not even curious? At least shut down the laptop, that noise is annoying as fuck.'_

V lifted his gaze. His eyes fell on the name on the screen – Louise Nordin Eurodyne.

Veeeery persistent.

_'If I shut the laptop she'll think he's home and wants her to fuck off.'_

That name though. Must be family... maybe there was a reason she was persistent. Maybe it was important indeed. It would be just fair to at least tell her that Kerry wasn't home right now but would be soon and call back. Right? Right. Though V _did_ wonder why this Louise didn't try it on his phone...

Letting out a sigh V leaned forward and hit the button to take the call. The window popped up, showing a woman who could easily be described in one word: pissed.

“Kerry I see that you're online you don't need to- who the hell are you.”

“Name's V.”

She raised one eyebrow and for a moment V wondered why she gave him such a strange, judging look.

“... V.”

 _'You're sitting there just in your shorts, I hope you know that',_ Johnny's voice echoed in his mind.

V looked down on himself. ' _Well fuck me.'_

He cleared his throat. Sounding professional while sitting there in nothing but his underwear came easy to him, days at Arasaka offices to thank. Teaches you to sound calm in whatever shitty or awkward or deadly situation you sit in.

“Yeah. Just V. Kerry is not home at the moment but he'll be back soon. Shall I leave him a message or just tell him to call back or...?”

The woman on the other side of the call pinched her nose and closed her eyes for a second.

“Okay, _Just V._ Tell him to call back, not for me, but for Kim and Ted. And more you don't need to know. Oh... and don't flatter yourself that you got to spend the night and not been taking out with the trash already. You're not the first. Pretty sure you're not the last.”

And with that she cut the connection.

Ouch.

V leaned back and stared at the laptop with raised eyebrows but then he shrugged. It was probably a good idea to get into some clothes. One awkward moment was enough for the day.

A few minutes later he could hear screeching wheels in the driveway.

“V! Get out of the damn bed already!”, Kerry yelled from the door. V took the stairs down to the lower part of the loft like mansion.

“I'm up, I'm up. No need to yell, jeez.”

“And still here I see”, Kerry greeted him with a bright smile and pressed a cup of hot coffee into V's hand. Double espresso, Jamaican blend. No sugar. “Hope you don't mind that I already ate half of your doughnuts. Was damn hungry after last night.”

A smirk crossed V's face as he gave Kerry a thankful nod. “Sorry not sorry. Hey uhm... someone gave you a video call.”

Ker grabbed V's hand and pulled him towards the couch. “Yeah? Who?”

“One Louise Nordin Eurodyne. Look I am not someone who scoops around in other peoples messages or video calls or whatever. Privacy is privacy. But she tried to get through for minutes and I thought it might be important. She said you should call her back and for some reason it seemed to be important that I mention some Kim and Ted....?”

Something changed on Kerry's face. He didn't look that happy any more. And he didn't say a word for a couple of seconds while V just gave him a questioning look.

“Something... wrong?”

“Ah fuck”, Kerry groaned and V watched how he threw his cup of coffee through the room – though he seemed more distressed than actually angry.

“Kerry talk to me. What's wrong? Who is she?”

“Ah she's... she's my Ex Wife and mother of my two children.”

 _'Bwahaha she's whaaaaat'_ , Johnny laughed in V's mind. _'How the hell did that happen!'_

“Johnny shut up for a second”, V hissed and Kerry lifted his head, a moment of confusion showing on his face before he frowned deeply.

_'Jeez, V, you just had to say that out aloud, didn't you.'_

“Don't worry, Ker. I will punch myself later, that hurts him too”, V tried to joke.

“Urrg. It's... a long story and not one with a happy ending. Or a happy beginning. Or a happy... anything at all”, Kerry finally said. “Guess I should've told ya? I don't know.”

V lifted his hands. “Hey, no, that's alright. I am not pissed or anything. Just... confused. Because...”

“... you don't see me as a good father? Or a father at all? Or to be with a woman?”

“All of those things, actually.”

Kerry fell silent for a few seconds.

“Well. I am a shitty father. Not gonna lie about that. I suck. But honestly? Didn't want kids. Got two. No idea what to do with them. I don't even know if I want them to love me because I am not even sure I love them myself. I mean. I like them. But they've never really been part of my life and... getting them involved into it? No. I don't see that happen.”

V took in a deep breath. That wasn't how he'd expected this morning to turn out... he'd expected coffee, chilling on the couch, eating the doughnuts or whatever was left of them, make out with Kerry a bit, hop on his bike and get the job done for the Padre. But this?

“Well ehm... I mean... I can't relate, I guess. Used to think family is only dead weight any way, not really helping my career so I never... thought about having one. But if you never wanted kids then... why have them? Why get married even? Just to be divorced again?”

Kerry leaned into the couch and stared at the huge painting of his naked self on the wall.

“... exactly.”

“What?”

“Life's scripted, V. At least mine. Or... has been. Decisions made for me, not by me. Thought I made them but didn't. In the end you have hundreds of people who constantly tell you what's best for you until you believe it. Manager telling me this is good for PR or we need to do that to stay in the media. Yearly reminder to the world that I am still fucking alive. People get bored. Even with their idols. They need news. Gossip. Shit to talk about.”

V frowned a bit. That was a hard pill to swallow.

“Like the Us Cracks shit? Or the thing with your depression?”

“... yeah, kinda”, Kerry said though V didn't fail to notice the hesitation. Something was off about the whole depression story anyway, V suspected that for a while now. But he wasn't certain and didn't want to poke. What Kerry was telling him right now was already pretty heavy.

“So what you tell me is that someone thought you should get married... to a woman... have children with her... and that all for... publicity? So media got stuff to talk about? That's... woah. I don't know what it is.”

“Ugly? Perverted? Twisted?”, Kerry offered and turned his head so he could face V. “Managed to keep Kim and Ted out of that shit at least. They are good kids. They don't deserve to get burned in the spotlight. Louise... not so much. Though I got the feeling she likes the attention of being Kerry Eurodyne's only ex wife.” There it was again. This tormented look on Kerry's face. It twisted V's heart to see that look again.

“Guess you had many reasons to burn down Kovachek's Yacht.” V reached out with his hand, cupped Kerry's face, his thumb gently stroking his cheek. “Hey. I don't care if you have six or sixty ex wives or been with, dunno, fifteen figure skaters before me and I get it. Lot of things you've done. Lot of bullshit you've been through. But you managed to come out on top. And you managed to get back to yourself again. Managed to make decisions for yourself.”

“Yeah. Like you. You're one of the decisions I am actually quite proud of, ya know that?” Kerry said and seemed to relax a bit. Though this hurt look in his eyes... it didn't vanish completely.

V chuckled slightly. “Me? I am a decision?”

Ker nodded slowly into V's hand. “First time I saw you, it was match point and set. Never told you, was never the right time. That in that moment, I knew you'd be mine. I built a vision of your future memories. Where you whisper, open up your heart...”, he hummed.

V's eyes widened a bit but then a warm smile crossed his face. He felt a warmth in his chest, his stomach that was new to him. But damn he liked it. He liked it very much.

“... reveal the place where I once had a heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some say the hints of Kerry being married (and divorced) and him having two kids (you can find the e-mail conversation on his terminal) is "erased Bi-sexuality" and that Kerry was meant to be bi from the beginning. I had different thoughts.  
> "First time I saw you, it was match point and set. Never told you, was never the right time. That in that moment, I knew you'd be mine. I built a vision of your future memories. Where you whisper, open up your heart, reveal the place where I once had a heart.” is taken from Kerry's WIP song "a vision of your memories".


	6. Archangel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night City feasts on the good people.  
> The kind people.  
> V has to make a hard choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is, the one shot I've been working on for a while now. Because of it's rather heavy topic and me doing a lot of research it took me longer than I wanted to and I kinda juggled around with ideas and what not. You've been warned. (I probably need to write some darn fluff after this)  
> It is also longer than the previous ones, about two pages more.  
> It's about - oh hey River!

_Cause we lost everything  
We had to pay the price _

V looked at the gun in his left hand.

The pills in his right.

He felt so tired. Hearing Kerry's voice one more time over the phone had been a sweet relief but he'd lacked the strength to tell him what was going on. Kerry had his own battles to fight against his own shadows. He didn't want him to worry.

Not after their last night together, not after what V had discovered about Kerry and his demons.

And shit – maybe it had been their last night indeed.

For some reason the gun looked friendly. He had to think back to the things River had told him – the City feasted on kindness. The good people were the ones to go.

Could he really risk the lives of others for his own? Was he _that_ special?

When Johnny bombed Arasaka tower, thousands of people had died that day. People with families and friends. Good people, too. Kind people.

Who knew what would go down when he let Johnny just do the same thing again? Giving up control, trusting the man who already killed so many?

On the other hand... he couldn't risk Panam and the Aldecaldos, either. Wasn't their battle. And it wasn't fair to pull them into it. Calling her would just be the most egoistic fuck thing he'd ever done in his life.

And Hanako, giving in to Arasaka, selling his own soul...?

It was strange that the gun suddenly seemed to be the only viable option. The only option where no one would get pulled into the shit V was sitting in.

But then again, maybe it was already too late for that...

* * *

_Five days before the end._

“To friendship”, V said and raised his bottle of beer, “and thanks for the gun. Though it's funny, people seem to have a habit of gifting me weapons...”

River laughed. “Ah what a shame and there I was hoping to be special. But I was never really creative when it came to gifts. So, many guns you got, hm?”

V shrugged, enjoying the view over Night City from the top of the tower. “One isn't actually a gun but a huge sniper rifle... girl that gave it to me probably uses it better than I do but she wanted me to have it. Well and then there would also be this one...”

V pulled out the revolver from under his jacket, where it was always sitting as his side arm.

River whistled impressed. “Wow. That's a piece of art you got there. May I?”

“Sure”, V said, handing over the gun.

River carefully took the weapon. “It's a model Overture, isn't it? But unique. Must be custom made, perfectly balanced for the right hand to reduce recoil and that engraving... does she have a name?” River's fingers gently wandered over the barrel while he examined the gun.

“Archangel.”

“Must've cost a fortune. Who gave it to you?” The tone in River's voice was one of honest curiosity and nothing else and yet V hesitated for a second or two, not exactly knowing how to answer the question.

“My... a friend gave it to me. He's rich. You know: a professional merc like me got clients from all over Night City. Police, for example”, V said with a smirk and River lifted his gaze, smirking as well before he gave back the revolver.

For a while they shared their beers in silence and once those were empty, River pulled out a bottle of Tequila.

“Guess it must mean something to your friend, then”, River finally said after what felt to V like minutes. Peaceful minutes, calm and good minutes. He turned his head, raising his eyebrows with a questioning look on his face.

“Giving you the gun. Because to me... it does”, River explained and brought the Tequila bottle to his lips. He didn't even flinch after taking a big slug. “Done with police work. Done with Peter Pan. Don't need to carry a reminder around all the time.”

V looked at his lap, at River's Crash revolver. “A reminder about what?”, he asked.

River's stern glance was set on Night City, not on V sitting next to him.

“About the things I've done with it, the things I haven't done... but most importantly the things I've almost done. To you it's just a gun, gift from a friend. But to me it carries too many bad memories. Memories that won't vanish and I don't want them to... but I don't need a constant reminder.”

A strange feeling settled in V's stomach while he listened to River's words. They triggered something in his mind, his thoughts. _But most importantly the things I've almost done._

Didn't Kerry say something similar when he gave him the Archangel? The gun he'd almost shot Johnny with and the gun that he'd almost-

V's train of thoughts got stopped when he noticed that River offered him the bottle. He shouldn't drink heavy alcohol, he knew that, with the chip in his head and his condition getting slowly worse every day, it wasn't a smart thing to do but on the other hand...

Ah what the hell.

“Think I understand”, V finally said and took the bottle. “Not many get out of the NCPD intact, I suppose. Mentally and physically. Not after what you guys see everyday. I mean I can choose the jobs that I want to take, can choose my clients but you guys? There was this guy... basically my neighbour, lived in the apartment under mine.”

V took a taste of Tequila. He grimaced slightly. Wasn't good stuff.

“One day saw some officers hanging around there. They told me he's been acting strange lately, not coming to work, didn't want to talk to them, one said he was acting like a pussy. I don't even know any more why he called him that. Anyway: not tough enough. That was the message.”

Another sip. Maybe he'd been too harsh. The Tequila wasn't that bad.

“Managed to talk to him. Guy was depressed as fuck. Seen too much death and violence in his job and then fate decided to take away the only good thing he'd going in his life, his pet turtle. Maybe he wasn't meant to be a cop. I don't know. And you know it's weird 'cause I was like... I felt like I was onto something, pulling him out of the mud, I talked to him and I really thought he was doing better but then I came home one night, his apartment closed off, his two officer buddies sitting in front of his door, one crying. Guy had shot himself.”

V washed these last words down with another shot straight from the bottle. Actually was quite good, this Tequila, he thought.

River watched him carefully. “The kind ones”, he said.

“The kind ones?”, V asked, not sure if he just didn't get it or if the Tequila made it harder for him to follow River right now.

“Yeah. It's kindness that falls victim to this city. Night City tears apart the kind ones. I saw many good people, good cops, looking down the barrel and pulling the trigger on themselves.”

The kind people. The good people. V felt like River's words should tell him something important but he also felt that the Tequila had already decided to make it's way into his brain and settled there. He couldn't really focus on this slippery thought, specially not because he suddenly became so aware of River's presence.

V glanced to the side, taking in his profile, though for some reason River seemed to escape his focus, became blurry. He brought the bottle of Tequila to his lips to keep himself from saying something stupid but unfortunately the booze was already empty and wouldn't save V from the words that came out of his mouth.

“River”, he said and nodded at the empty bottle, “You're a good man. And you're also good lookin' man, specially when there's two of you. And under diff'rent circumstances I would abuse this situation now but I'm kinda taken and you're kinda not into men or just not into me I s'ppose. So it would be awkward as fuck for both of us if I tried somethin' now but it would be more awkward for me.”

River raised one eyebrow and checked V's eyes. He was sure that the focus was more than off already.

“You're drunk.”

“Yes I am.”

“You're a good man too, V. I'm glad you're my friend.”

“Thank you, Officer, Sir.”

“But as your friend I say we get you into a bed now. You can crash here, I am not letting you drive off like this.”

“Good thinking. 'cause the Tequila is empty an-anyway.”

V took River's hand so he could help him to get up and leave and later he would wonder how he'd managed to get off the tower and back to Joss' place and into Randy's bed in one piece - but for now he just enjoyed the blissful ignorance and peace a clouded mind could bring while he drifted into a deep sleep.

* * *

_Four days before the end._

Waking up with a hang over wasn't new to V – he'd woken up in the same state when he'd given Johnny his body for one damn night. But he wasn't used to it. He wasn't one to get drunk, never been.

He sneaked out of Joss' trailer, carefully not to run into her or one of her kids. Told River goodbye with nothing but a nod and River answered the same way.

River understood things without words.

V was glad for that.

He was a good friend, a good person indeed but most importantly he seemed to have his shit together and that was something rare in Night City. He had a view on the world, the people, that V admired – and he was thankful for the insight River shared with him.

And even though his mind had been clouded last night, he hasn't forgotten River's words. It gave him something to think about.

The good people, the kind people. That got swallowed by this city.

And the gun.

_But most importantly the things I've almost done._

River had been talking about almost shooting Anthony Harris for sure – but V had to think about someone else, too.

Again.

V was back in his apartment, sitting on the couch and Nibbles on his lap, skipping through the News. He stopped at some report about Kerry's collaboration with Us Cracks and frowned.

_'Johnny... you there?'_

_'No, I'm in the kitchen, baking cookies for ya. Where the fuck do you think I should be?'_

V rolled his eyes, seeing the illusion of Johnny appearing at the window, leaning against it while he watched the city outside.

_'You said Kerry came out of the shower with a gun in his hand.'_

_'Shit. Is this about Kerry again? Can't you think about more important things? Like how to get us into Mikoshi?',_ Johnny scoffed.

V ignored the complaint.

_'… who the fuck showers with a gun, Johnny?'_

Johnny threw his arms in the air and for a moment the illusion of him got blurry and V feared that he would vanish again, leaving him alone with his thoughts. But instead he sat down on the couch, legs spread, smoking a non existent cigarette. Just from the view V felt a strange crave for a smoke as well.

He didn't smoke.

He hated it.

 _'Well why the fuck should I care, this is Night City, V. People sleep with guns. Why not shower with them, too'_ , Johnny finally said.

_'And you never bothered to think about why he'd send all of his staff home early? And was alone when we broke in? With a gun in the shower?'_

_'Shit, V, if you wanna say something, spit it out already.'_

But V didn't. Maybe he didn't want to word it. He wasn't even sure why he was afraid to do so – he was talking to himself, basically. No one was around. Just Nibbles – and he cared more about licking his balls right now than to bother about V's concerns.

_'Johnny... fuck. I... think you saved his life that night.'_

* * *

_Three days before the end._

Sex with Kerry wasn't just great. It was simply amazing. There was something to be said about experience and V actually wondered why the hell he'd always been after those young guys in the office, those interns that were willing to do anything for a chance of a contract at Arasaka. In hindsight, those boys had been damn boring. He had no idea what had been exciting about fucking them. Maybe the feeling of power over them. Yeah, he'd been another V back then...

But Kerry was able to make V feel like a helpless virgin again. He wasn't sure if that was really a good thing, he was used to be in control but fuck - he loved it.

Another perk was that it made him sleep tight and good. Because it made him exhausted enough to simply drop dead into bed and even more it helped to have Kerry in his arms then. Good sleep and good sex both weren't things he was used to but damn he _could_ get used to them.

But this night was different. V struggled to fall asleep and when he woke up in the middle of the night, he felt more like he'd just taken a restless nap. Judging from the quiet snoring next to him Kerry had not such problems. He was laying on his back, one arm over his head, one leg dangling from the bed and the blanket was not really covering him any more. And yet V just had to admire the sight. The chrome in his body shimmered slightly golden in the dim light that came from the city through the large windows, the rest of his body was covered in shadows, giving the tattoos on his arm a strange illusion of being alive, of moving.

A splitting headache yanked into V's brain. An annoying noise warned him about Relic Malfunction. “Argh... shit...”, he pressed out with low voice.

' _Get out. Some fresh air will do you good'_ , he heard Johnny's voice and followed the advice.

The chill wind helped indeed. V sat outside on a lowered patio on the backside of the villa, where he could listen to the calm noise of the artificial waterfall and look over the city.

 _'It just gets worse, V. We need to start moving'_ , Johnny said, examining the area with slight disgust in his face. The whole place screamed money and fame and of course Johnny disliked it.

 _'I... I know, Johnny. And I will take care of things',_ V answered, jaded, not in the mood for arguments, putting his face in his hands as he concentrated on keeping his consciousness.

Johnny seemed to think different on that matter.

 _'Oh really? Is that why you spend the evening sitting on your ass at Kerry's and end up fucking him again?_ ', he snarled. _'You know it's funny, though. That he finally got what he wanted. Finally got to fuck me through your body because you just can't say no.'_

V lifted his head. _'It ever occurs to you that not everything is about you, Johnny Silverhand?'_

_'Of course not.'_

Talking to him felt just so pointless. V looked around, to keep his focus elsewhere. He was sitting on a wooden deck chair, noticed a few empty glasses and bottles around but then something peaked his interest. A shard, more or less looking like it had been thrown away. He inserted it and found it to be a couple of media reviews about 'Second Conflict', gathered and put together by someone.

“Kerry Eurodyne's golden age has long since passed. What's got me curious is how much money his label's got pumping into this sinking ship just so we don't think otherwise... will never be more than a Samurai epigone... a sad second hand tour de farce... can't seem to put together a headline of his own these days...”

_'Ahh..... shit. Maybe you were right.'_

V stopped reading and looked at Johnny who sat at the edge of the patio, his image flickering in the neon lights of Night City.

 _'You didn't buy his story either, right? That the whole depression thing was just a media stunt? Made up?',_ V asked.

Johnny shook his head. ' _Yeah I didn't. Though he would've never told me the truth.'_ He turned around and looked at V before the image vanished and the voice in his head as well, leaving something unspoken between the two of them.

“Fuck V, there you are”, he heard the sleepy voice of Kerry, “the fuck you're doing out here?”

Kerry was only wearing his shorts and this absolute eccentric piece of a bathrobe, hugging himself. California's nights weren't that cold but the wind up here at North Oak could be chilly.

“Been thinking”, V answered and Kerry sat down next to him on the deck chair.

“'bout what?”

“Stuff.”

Kerry raised one eyebrow and gave V a strange look. “Uhu. Veeery suspicious, choom.”

V sighed. “Sorry, Ker. I just-”, he started helpless.

“Nah, it's alright, you got a lot of things going on, I know that. Tons of shit on your plate. Specially in that sweet head of yours.” Kerry snuggled against him, obviously still more sleepy than awake.

There was silence between them for a while and V wondered if Ker was already dozing off again while they both tried to lay down together on the chair, holding each other.

“Kerry...”, V started and heard a sleepy, mumbled “Hm?”

“I...”

… I got so much to tell you and I don't even know where to start. I want you to know that I am there for you, want you to know that I am not going to drop you. I want to keep the shadows away, Kerry. I want to protect you from yourself.

But I am also afraid.

Afraid that I won't be able to do so. Afraid that I might just be gone one day. Maybe already tomorrow. I don't know. I am scared of the choices I need to make. Is it fair to sacrifice others for me, my life? And for Johnny? Panam promised me help. I know that sweet hearted dumbass would come up with some ridiculous and stupid suicide plan to get me into Mikoshi. Damn but I can't risk her life and that of her family for me, can I? I can't put their souls at stake. And Arasaka? Shit. If anyone knows that you can't trust Arasaka then it's me. Worked years for them and busted my ass. Just for them to drop me in a fucking instant, ruining my life, taking everything from me. If it hasn't been for Jackie back then...

Shit. Jackie. People drop dead around me all the time. Like Takamura. He trusted Hanako. And what did it get him? He died, too.

I'm afraid, Kerry. Afraid that the only way out is the one I don't want to think about. The way you once thought about.

But maybe I have no choice.

“Yo, V. You suddenly got a brain seizure or why do you stop talking mid sentence?”

V blinked.

“Uh... must've dozed off”, he said, clearing his throat, hugging Kerry a bit tighter.

“Ah. Yeah. Sure. What was is that you wanted to tell me? Wait. You're not gonna drop the L-bomb on me or some shit, right?”

“What? No, no no no, you're safe, don't worry”, V said and even had to laugh lightly – despite all those dark and clouded thoughts. “No. I just... I'm glad I got you, that's all. I know that whatever this is we're having is only a couple of weeks old but... am glad I got you.”

In the corner of his eye, V could see a smile stretching over Kerry's face.

“Well of course. I mean. We're tuned to the same frequency, right?”

“Yeah. We resonate.”

* * *

_Zero days before the end._

V looked at the gun in his hand one more time.

No. It was no option. Not really. There was no way he would leave the city like this, would leave his friends, Kerry like that. He wanted to live. He wanted to own this cursed city. Putting the gun away he looked at the pills in his hand, taking the red one.

“Johnny?”

_'Yes?'_

“Tell Rogue I said hi. And... bring me back to him. Will you do that?”

_'I will V. I promise.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Anyone else thinks that Kerry was about to commit suicide in the shower but Johnny showing up and playing the guitar stopped him?  
> I tried to gather the hints that the game drops about that and put them into this one shot.  
> There is also the hint about the suicide ending for V.  
> Since we follow my V's story here, however, he ends up sending Johnny and Rogue. I would've loved to give the secret ending here with only V and Johnny doing it, but this is his canon ending. And yes, unfortunately Takamura isn't alive in my game either.


	7. New Tunes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's never too late to learn something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one shot was written as a prompt given to me by the dear nensha, prompt was "New Abilities".  
> Originally I had two ideas for this prompt, the second one might be a real short bonus story, we'll see.  
> Takes place after the end (ending: The Sun).  
> It's the first time in my life, I think, that I've done a prompt :D But if anyone else wants to give me some, shoot!  
> After the last one shot I had to write something light and fluffy so that's what we have!

“V, have you seen my shirt?”, Kerry yelled through the apartment.

V was sitting at his desk in the upper part of his home, trying to sort out some leaked informations about a strange weapon deal between Militech and Maelstrom.

“Ker, your stuff is scattered all over the place all the time, how the hell should I know”, he yelled back. He heard how the door to the storage room got opened and frowned. It's where he kept his weapons, his tech arsenal, did upgrades for his Cyberdeck, worked on new hacks and kept basically everything work related. Usually a place Kerry would not even bother to go into. “You're not going to find it in there!”

“Well _you_ were wearing it last night and I can't find it elsewhere!”

V sighed. He wondered why the hell they had to communicate by yelling through the apartment.“Can't you just... wear one of my shirts?”

“And look like a Corpo fascista? No thanks!”

V looked down on himself. Was there something wrong with blazers and dress shirts? “I got tank tops too, you know?”, he answered.

“Yeah and they _suck_! Need to get you into a style check one day....”

V put his face into his hands and groaned.

“Just... why aren't you getting your ward robe to my place, it's not like you spend much time at your house any way...”, V yelled down stairs, not even fully aware what he was implying there. Truth was, Kerry was basically living with him already or at least spending most of the nights at V's place. And Ker also liked to leave his stuff all over the apartment – several guitars, his underwear, booze, drugs. It felt like they already had moved in together. They just never talked about it.

“What's this”, Kerry called from down stairs.

“What's what”

“This!”

V let out a whiny sigh and finally stood up from his chair. Wasn't like he would get any work done like this any way.

“Well what does it look like”, he said, standing in the door to the storage room, arms crossed over his chest.

“A guitar”, Kerry answered, the instrument in his hands. “But none of mine. Are you dating another Rocker that I should know about?”

A small smirk appeared on V's face. “I am in a well functioning relationship with America's God of Rock, why should I settle for less?”

“Smooth”, Kerry said and raised one eyebrow, “Also: true.” He took a closer look at the green guitar in his hands. “A Lyridon Chrome, nice beginner's model... not the best choice though if you wanted to make me an early birthday gift or something. So who's is it then? Something work related? Had to steal a guitar for someone?”

V felt uneasy for a moment and didn't even know why. “No it's... it's mine, actually”, he finally said and earned a surprised look from Kerry. V stepped closer and took the instrument out of Ker's hands to walk over to the couch.

“Since when do you own a guitar?”, Kerry asked and followed him.

V sat down, the guitar on his lap. “A month or two...?”

“Can you play it?”, Kerry asked and V noticed some excitement, some light in his eyes together with a small smile.

“Well not very good, I fear...”, V said, hesitating.

“Ah come on, show me. Can't be that bad”, Kerry said and dropped onto the couch next to V, one arm over the rest and V's shoulders. He leaned forward to pull a cigarette out of a pack lying on the table and then leaned into the cushions again, giving V a nod.

V sighed and put his fingers on the strings but before he could hit the first chord, Kerry noticed something. “Ahh don't be shy. Afraid to annoy the neighbours?”, he said and switched on the power button to bring the electric guitar to life. It connected with one of the speakers that were standing around. Kerry gave V a grin and took a drag from the cigarette.

V frowned but then focused on his fingers and where they were supposed to be and started to play some pretty basic strum pattern with some alternate bass picking. Yet it was a nice melody. He kept playing the chords for a while before he cleared his throat. “How do you shake this feeling, that you were born scene stealing, maybe you coasted far too long...”

It was Kerry's favourite time of the day, the golden hour in the evening when a setting sun filled the whole room with warm light. And while V sang and played, Kerry watched his hands, his fingers and finally V's face. The light that came through the windows gave the guitar an almost emerald shimmer but Kerry was even more drawn to that golden light reflecting in V's eyes. Like an inner flame, setting those cold, white Kiroshi implants on fire. A warmth that seemed to spread over Kerry, too. And he slowly started to hum with him, smilingly tapping his foot to the rhythm.

“... Let's board up the bedroom windows, fire off Roman candles, watch all the ghosts in our clothes disappear...”, V finished and grimaced when he misplayed a tone in the end, failing to grab the strings correctly. But before he could drop his hands, Kerry took his fingers and put them into a slightly different position. “Easier this way. Barring the second fret for two of the chords is pretty challenging.”

V put the guitar aside. “Yeah. Didn't have that much time to practice yet.”

“Well you can't sing for shit but your play is actually quite good, V”, Kerry said, “But... where... when did you start to learn guitar? Who teaches you?”

V looked over to the Lyridon before he turned towards Kerry. “You wanted me to take things easier. So I did. Been outsourcing most of the Gigs these days, got people that do stuff for me now. Had no idea that being a Fixer, sitting in the Afterlife, can be so boring at days. Feels like being back at the office – just with less stress and less vomiting in the bathroom. So I got myself a guitar... some shards with 'Playing the Electric Guitar for Gonks'... and started. And when I had some time left while sitting in my room in the Afterlife, waiting for calls or just messages... I practised. I guess it became a habit?”

Kerry raised his eyebrows. “Self taught? Now you try to impress. Considering you got the fucking best teacher in the world sitting right here though, I guess I should feel a little bit offended that you never asked me to show you somethin'.”

V waved aside. “You're busy enough, not gonna waste your time with something like this. Also I guess I wanted to get good enough on my own before I even tell you...” He smirked a bit. “To impress you, probably?”

Kerry gave him a flat look. “Really. You still think you need to impress me. You. Night City's Bad Boy. Top Dog of the Afterlife. Conqueror of the Crystal Palace.”

V laughed a bit. “Guess learning to play the guitar is pretty lame compared to those things, right? Ahh... fuck. I don't know. Ever since you guys had your reunion concert... and Johnny playing the guitar... I guess my... body kinda remembered the feeling and I had this urge to just... do it.” He took in a deep breath. “Also music is your world, Ker... suppose I want to be part of that.”

Kerry just looked at him, saying nothing for a few moments. “Fuck me, you're sweet”, he then stated, before he took another drag of his cigarette that he'd almost forgotten about and that was covering his pants in ash already. There was something incredible sexy about V's statement. The man who'd made Night City his personal bitch sat on the couch, playing the electric guitar like a rookie for the sole purpose of being part of Kerry's life – like he wasn't already the most important thing. Well. Besides Kerry himself and the City. Of course.

“ _So It Goes_ wasn't so bad but also isn't so hard to play. Good choice to start learning, though. Got any other songs?”, he asked.

“Well I tried my hands on _Black Dog_... you know from what's-their-name? This long-forgotten underground band, Samurai or something...?”, V said with a crooked smirk.

“Let me hear it”, Kerry said and flicked the cigarette butt into the ashtray on the table. “But ya know what's really intense?”

V shook his head and raised an eyebrow on Kerry's wicked smile.

“Getting a blow job while playing guitar. Believe me. It's great.”

V bit his lip. “That's probably going to mutilate the song but... who am I to disagree with you?”, he hummed and watched how Kerry already fumbled on his belt.

The song wouldn't be played well.

V would hit a lot of wrong chords.

He wasn't very concentrated.

But none of them cared.

_How do you shake this feeling  
That you were born scene stealing  
Maybe you coasted far too long_

_Baby you seem so tired  
Of drawing phantom power  
From all of the fires in your life_

_As a house  
All that you wanted  
Was to feel less haunted  
By the desires  
Desires that drive you into the arms of another lover's dreams_

_Is this all that there is even after  
Years of trial and error  
Learning how to love, be loved and destroyed_

_Let's board up the bedroom windows  
Fire off Roman candles  
Watch all the ghosts in our clothes  
Disappear_

_Fingers and the Outlaws - So it Goes_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fingers and the Outlaws - So it Goes" is a fictional band existing in the Cyberpunk universe, you can hear their song on Morro Rock Radio Station. Unfortunately I don't know the real band behind it, otherwise I would credit them, of course.  
> Also, did you know? The guitar, Lyridon Chrome, can actually be bought in the game (along with several other guitars and some records of Samurai, Kerry and other bands). But you can't actually play it - it's "just" a junk item. Still funny!


	8. Dreamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something Johnny has to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to say too much.  
> Just prepare for sad things.  
> Takes place after the heist on Arasaka with the help of Rogue.

_There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet  
No matter where you live  
There'll all ways be a few things, maybe several things  
That you're gonna find really difficult to forgive_

Kerry took off his sunglasses after entering the small shop located in a dirty alley in Watson.

It was late in the evening but he'd tried to go unnoticed through these narrow streets. Fortunately it looked like they were filled with sad lives any way: drug addicts, drug dealers, gang members, dreamers. People that barely paid attention to their surroundings. People that got fucked over by life so many times that Kerry Eurodyne himself could walk past them and they wouldn't notice.

Or think he's just another dandy illusion, another shiny ad filled billboard.

He wasn't sure if coming here was the right decision. Just the fact that someone somehow managed to get a message through his phone... of course those things happened and usually he ignored it. And got a new phone. And a new number. But this specific message...

He couldn't ignore it.

'Hey. It's about V. If you want to talk about him – come to Misty's Esoterica in Watson. If you don't – forget this message.'

Maybe it was V himself?

That asshole that had just ghosted him. Maybe he needed a shady reason to lure him into into this... this...

What was that shop even?

Kerry looked around. He recognized a faint smell of sandalwood and noticed a couple of incense sticks being the culprit.

“Hey”, he heard the soft voice of a young woman at the counter. She wore a warm smile and there was something in her eyes, something beyond her age, a certain share of weight on a life that was much to young to carry it. “You must be Kerry.”

“No, I'm Richard fucking Night”, Kerry said and had no idea why his answer turned out to be so pissed. He was in a bad mood. “Of course I am, one would think Kerry Eurodyne is easy to recognize.”

The smile on the woman's face just got wider, not being thrown off by his pissed reaction at all and she gently shook her head. “No, I mean _Kerry_. V's Kerry.”

Kerry suddenly felt his own heart beat. Heavy against his chest. He took in a sharp breath.

“So, you're his friend or something? He send you to finally tell me it's over and that he fucked me over? Hard? Doesn't have the balls to do it on his own? Tell the fucker to say it to my face”, Kerry said and tried to sound rather angry but the knot in his throat made it hard.

“I am his friend, yes. Misty. Owner of Misty's Esoterica. And I'm afraid you don't understand but... I can bring you to him”, she said, her voice soft, warm but there was an undeniable sadness in it too.

Kerry narrowed his eyes, his arms crossed over his chest, his fingers clawing into his own skin; he didn't even notice.

“I understand if you don't want to, though”, Misty continued because Kerry decided to wander around in the little shop instead of saying a word.

He stopped and stared at her. Hatred in his eyes. But also pain.

“That's what happens here, right? He didn't send you. He doesn't even know about your little... set up. You're probably just some... some well meaning friend of his who thinks it's a bright idea to put me in front of his door step because he's too much of a fucking coward to even call me!”, he finally spat out.

Misty dropped her gaze.

“It's more complicated, I'm afraid”, she just said, cryptic, again. Kerry threw his arms into the air in frustration.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean! How fucking hard can it be, he ghosted me for two fucking months, what's complicated about that!”

Misty lifted her gaze and for a moment it seemed like she searched for something in his face until she finally spoke up again, her voice still soft, warm yet – sad.

“... do you want to visit him – or not?”

Under all the anger, the hate, the disappointment and the pain, there was something else boiling up inside of Kerry. Fear. Something in her tone, the way she spoke... he didn't like it.

“Well fuck it. Sure. Let's visit this motherfucking leadhead... see if he's able to open his mouth and spit out some pretty little lies... Corpo rat like him should be able to do that after all...”, Kerry mumbled and turned around to leave.

Misty quickly closed the shop and followed him.

* * *

Misty was on the wheel and Kerry decided to stare out of the window. He didn't feel like talking to her and it seemed like she understood that because she did him the favour and was silent. Last thing he wanted was a forced conversation.

However after a couple of minutes, he felt that it was unfair to treat Misty like this. She probably really was just a well meaning friend of V. And it wasn't her fault, after all.

He also noticed that they seemed to head back towards North Oak. He wondered why...

“So... V ever spoke of me?”, Kerry said, finally deciding to cut through this awkward silence. Still preferred to stare out of the window, though.

“Well... not really. You probably know how closed up he was about his private life.”

Wait. _Was?_

“But he also couldn't really hide it from me. One day he was coming in with a Kerry Eurodyne record and he was mentioning some jobs he did for you... I noticed the way he spoke about you and later laid out some Tarot about it and let's just say it told me enough. I put two and two together and knew what was going on”, she said, a soft chuckle escaping her mouth.

Kerry breathed out a heavy breath.

It just made no fucking sense.

“He really _did_ like you, Kerry. I've never seen him like that... or heared him talking about someone with so much... spark in his voice. And the cards? The cards very pretty obvious about his feelings.”

She was talking in the past. Again. Kerry frowned when he noticed those annoying turns on the road. Where the hell were they going?

A cold wave washed over his body the moment the columbarium came in sight. And he noticed that Misty got slower – until they finally stopped in front of it.

No.

This had to be a bad joke.

Kerry blinked. He felt a hand on his shoulder. A gentle touch. Barely any weight.

“We're here.”

No.

This had to be a _fucking_ joke!

Kerry's whole body felt numb but somehow decided to move on its own because he noticed that he got out of the car and followed Misty like a zombie.

She lead them through the narrow aisle. They passed by a niche were she stood still for a second and put her hand on the wall. Kerry read a name: Jackie Wells.

But then she moved on, took a turn and nodded towards the wall. Her eyes were on Kerry, showed sympathy, condolence – but she said nothing and just took a step away from the niche so Kerry could read what was written on it:

V

Dreamer

Kerry slowly got down on his knees, like he couldn't carry the weight of his own body any more.

All those months he'd been mad at him. Hated him. Called him the worst break up he's ever had. All this hate, anger, the disappointment, the pain, the nights of cursing himself for being so wrong about V, for trusting him, for thinking that he was better than the others, that he was the one who was able to shake things up.

The one who pulled him out of the mud.

The one who gave him the strength to fight the shadows.

And he'd done him wrong all those fucking months.

“How...”, Kerry started but his voice cracked.

“Something went wrong”, Misty started to explain. “He was in a really bad shape. His... his brain.”

“The bio chip?!”

“So you... know about it? Yes, yes the bio chip. He was running out of time and decided to take matters into his own hands. But... something went wrong. He didn't return from Arasaka tower. But he sure took them with him.”

“Ara-fucking-saka... you're telling me that... that was him? It was V? The night Arasaka went down, and their whole bullshit _secure your soul_ program got fucked up completely? The night the city was in for some heavy wake up call? You tell me that was... that was V's doing?!”

“... yes.”

“Fuck. H-he called me before this. He tried to tell me something. Fuck. And I was... I was busy. Why didn't I... _fuck_.”

Kerry noticed that his vision got blurry. He tried to blink the tears away. Found that he wasn't strong enough.

He twitched slightly when he felt a small hand squeezing his shoulder.

“He... he really, really liked you”, Misty pointed out again before she took a step back. “I didn't know that... I thought he just... vanished. After all no body was found. I was visiting the niche of my... my Jackie a few days ago. And took a little stroll through the aisles. I like the silence here... that was when I noticed his plate. But I don't know who bought it for him. I... I thought you needed to know. I know I would've wanted the same.”

Kerry wrapped himself in silence and Misty knew what she had to do.

“I'm... I'm going to leave you alone. I... will wait by the car. You know... if you want to talk later.”

And with that she left, her steps light and silent.

“Fuck, V...”, Kerry whispered and his head fell against the wall. “You could've said something... why didn't you say something... I know people... we could've... I could've...”

_'Course, yeah. Just wanted to hear ya.'_

V's voice echoed in his head. He'd sounded so weak back then. Kerry knew that something had been wrong there. He'd seen through V's bullshit the moment he'd said those words. He should've been more persistent.

But people had been on his ass to show up in the studio and he'd been riding a high to get that demo done that day.

And now all he could do was hate himself for the things _not_ done.

Kerry didn't know how long he's been sitting there. But eventually he stood up, ready to leave. Not ready to leave it behind, though.

His eyes were glued on the ground when he was overcome by a strange feeling, a feeling of being watched.

Tensing up he lifted his head – and could swear that he was _this_ close to a heart attack.

“Either I'm seeing a ghost...”, he said, his voice still weak yet filled with a certain fury, “... or a fucking asshole.”

He clenched his fists. The urge to punch the person a few feet away was huge.

Oh the face was familiar. Beloved, even. The green hair, the white eyes, even that little braided beard.

But the way he stood at the wall.

How he carried himself.

The look in those eyes.

His posture.

Kerry closed the gap between them, grabbed him by the collar and pinned him heavy against the wall. He had no idea where he took the strength to do that.

“You fucking asshole. You. Fu-cking. Ass-hole”, he pressed out through gritted teeth.

“Ker. Let me down. I don't want to break your arms.” V's voice, yes... but this tone... it was unmistakable.

Whatever strength it was that made him hold up a man full of cyberware, chrome and cybernetic enhancements all over his body, it left him just as fast again and Kerry let go of the man in front of him, took a step back, his breath heavy.

“You just won't stop haunting me, will you, Johnny”, he finally said, his voice an angry whisper of a broken voice. “Even after fifty fucking years. I just can't get rid of you. You killed him, didn't you. Just say it to my face, asshole. Say it. You killed V.”

Johnny slowly shook his head.

“Not that easy, choom.”

“Well then explain it to me!” Kerry was shouting those words. A few heads turned towards them. Not many people here, though. But one of them dared to throw a “Ssshhh!” towards them and Kerry gave him a death glance that just made him go away immediately.

“Shit didn't go as planned. Lost Rogue. Got into Mikoshi. The soul killer thing. Where Arasaka stored all those pretty little engrams of their petty _secure your soul_ program.”

“And?!”

“And V didn't made it. I wanted to save him, really wanted to save his life. But it was messed beyond our control. V was already dead the day you met him. He wasn't going to survive this. Never supposed to.”

“Then why are you wearing his face!”

“Bio chip did that. Shit altered his DNA, Ker. It's fucked up. That chip altered it in my favour. So my soul has a body.”

Kerry took a step back and shook his head in disbelief.

“No. You're lying.”

“I never lie, Ker. And you know that.”

“No. It's... it's... bullshit. You're talking bullshit. V would've never... he wouldn't give away his body like that. Not like... not like that.”

“...”

“... Johnny?!”

“He had nothing to gain. I had everything to lose.”

The aisle suddenly got filled with the sound of a man slapping another man in the face. Kerry's whole body was trembling.

“Feeling better now?”, Johnny asked, rubbing his chin.

Kerry shook his head. “Whaddya think? How am I supposed to feel?! _You_ let me believe that he ghosted me, _you_ let me believe that he just dropped me like a used condom, meanwhile you're sitting cosy in his body after taking his _life._ ” Once again it broke over him and Kerry just dropped down. He just noticed in the corner of his eyes that Johnny sat down in front of him.

“Thought it's better that way. Thought you're used to bad romances. That you can handle that. Gives you stuff to sing about.”

Kerry lifted his head and stared at Johnny, anger flaring up in his eyes again, easily seen even through the tears that fell to the ground.

“What? I couldn't tell you that you're muse died as an engram in fucking cyberspace, shit, Ker. You were back on track. I saw that. That your Rocker Boy heart was beating again and I liked what I saw. You showed the past the damn middle finger. Found the strength to do that. Didn't want to pull you back into the mud by showing up... in V's body... of all people... for fucks sake. I knew you could get through this. Didn't know if you could get through _this,_ though.”

It took a while until Kerry found his voice again. He felt tired. And weak.

“And why the fuck do you show up now...”

“I pay him a visit every month. Wasn't planned to run into you.”

“So. You would've never told me. And if it wasn't for Misty...”

“Yeah. Would've never told you”, Johnny admitted.

Kerry bit his trembling lip. He tasted blood but didn't care.

“Not because I don't give a fuck about you”, Johnny continued and Kerry had to scoff about these words, “... but because I cut all ties. Better that way. It's not my life. Was V's. And I ghosted long enough through your life. Better to leave that all behind. Once and for all.”

“... and just say fuck it to the past”, Kerry said. No more anger in his voice. No more anger in his heart.

Just a void. A void that was once left by Johnny – and filled by V.

And now...

Kerry slowly stood up and started to walk away.

Johnny only followed him with his gaze.

_'Kerry?'_

_'Yeah?'_

_'That night... had a great time.'_

_There's gonna come a day when you'll feel better  
You'll rise up free and easy on that day  
And float from branch to branch, lighter than the air  
Just when that day is coming, who can say? Who can say?_

_The Mountain Goats – Up The Wolves_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally played through the Johnny ending (giving Johnny the body) and I think it's even sadder than the suicide ending.  
> And while I did think that this ending was fitting Johnny's character... I think he owes Kerry to explain what happened.
> 
> The Mountain Goats – Up The Wolves is not a fictional band from Cyberpunk this time but... it fit.  
> Maybe I should do a playlist for the chapters, including the songs that show up in them?


	9. Chippin' In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V got some new chrome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so basically this is the little bonus chapter to the "New Abilities" prompt that I wrote two chapters ago. Originally I had two ideas and the one from "New Tunes" turned out the be the one I would take but I didn't want to abandon the other one so here we are.  
> It's really just a short, stupid bonus chapter.  
> Mostly stupid.  
> But I had fun.  
> Please don't hit me.

“Wow, V, spotting some new chrome? Sexy!” Kerry called from the couch, guitar on his lap.

V walked over to him while he let his gaze wander through the apartment. Was it cleaner than usual in here or did he get used to this messy party palace? He couldn't tell.

However some things didn't change, obviously: the bottles with booze on the table in front of Kerry.

“Good eye, I do”, V said and lifted his arms, showing off his newest tech. Kerry whistled impressed and put his guitar aside after V sat down next to him.

“Got them implanted by Viktor a few hours ago. High tech Gorilla arms, not the model Arasaka sells but the one they use for their own security. Real touch synth skin on the fingers with high sensitivity option, black market battery, also got the option for-”

“Bla bla, skip the technobabble”, Kerry said and grabbed V's hand, tracing his fingers gently with his own. “Feels good though. That's important. Not going to let you touch me with some cold ass metal fingers.”

V felt a rush of heat through his whole body and also felt incredible stupid because of it, like a schoolboy who forgets how to breath because his crush holds his hand on the way home. Fucking gonk he was.

Kerry let go of V's new hands and leaned back into the cushions.

“So what did you get them for?”, he asked.

“Oh you know. The usual stuff. My reputation grows and my jobs get harder, I need to live up to my fame”, V answered with a smirk. “So basically like... open doors and stuff, rip off turrets, beat people to death...”

Kerry frowned a bit. “Ya know that I _do_ listen to you when you talk about your Gigs, right?”

“What... do you mean?”, V asked and suddenly didn't feel that comfortable in his skin any more.

“Well I know you're a netrunner boy, V. And I know you're fucking good. There's no door you can't hack and don't tell me turrets are a problem. Heck, you even hacked the audio systems of my damn security bots that one night just because you didn't want them to _listen_ to us. Which is by the way completely stupid because they don't care _and_ we could've been fucked in rather non pleasant ways too with that hole in security - but I guess it's just one of your many quirks, hu.”

V cleared his throat. “That was only because you got me drunk...”, he mumbled under his breath and Kerry just gave him a crooked smile.

“So. Why the Gorilla arms?”

“...”

“Come on they must've cost tons of eddies. There gotta be a good reason, right?”

“... Razor Hugh”, V finally sighed. “The reason's Razor Hugh.”

Kerry gave him a confused look. “What now? Razor? Like that three-time heavyweight champion Razor? _That_ Razor? What's he gotta do with your arms?”

“... well... I am... going to fight him.”

Kerry stared at V – and a moment later burst out in loud laughter. It took him a while to be able to breath again and he realised that V himself wasn't laughing. “Wait. You're serious. Why the fuck do you wanna fight Razor Hugh?!”

V let out an annoyed groan and his hand wander through his green, short hair.

“Because of my damn pride, that's why. It all started with a friendly brawl against a bot at home with my trainer and suddenly I was part of some strange beat the brat street brawl tournament, fought some strange twins who weren't twins, a guy with a grenade in his face-”

“Wait hol' on a second. You're a street brawler? But V. You're a brains over brawls kinda guy.”

V gave him a tormented look and said nothing.

“Aaaaand somehow you ended up winning all these fights and are now in the finals against a professional”, Kerry said dryly. “Well isn't that preem.” He reached over to the table and grabbed his glass only to notice that it was empty.

V nodded, still wearing this kicked-puppy-face.

“So you used your tiny wired gonk brain and thought that the only chance of winning would be with some high tech chrome because otherwise you wouldn't be able to even scratch that guy. Correct?”, Ker continued and filled his glass with some Martini and Vodka. He wondered if he should've used the shaker but – ah fuck, who cares.

V nodded again and Kerry let out a dramatic sigh.

“Well tell me when the fight is taking place so I can come and collect your remains the morning after”, he snarled and grabbed the glass of olives – _real_ olives, damn expensive – only to find that he couldn't get it open. Kerry groaned in annoyance while he struggled with the cursed glass and then pressed it into V's palm.

“Here's your chance to make yourself useful with them, come on, Kerry Eurodyne is not drinking Vodka-Martini without olives.”

V raised his eyebrows. “Kerry Eurodyne is a damn diva”, he smirked and gained a _'shut up and just do it'_ look from Kerry so V decided to do him the favour and unscrewed the glass.

He did that in theory.

In reality the thing basically exploded in his hands.

Both V and Kerry stared in silence at the disaster that just happened. Glass shards everywhere, mostly over V, olives everywhere – mostly over Kerry.

Though one actually hit the glass and was sitting proudly in the Vodka-Martini now.

Ker slowly turned his head.

“The fuck was this”, he said with surprisingly calm voice.

“I... think the hardware is not uh... really synced with my brain yet...”, V mumbled.

Kerry blinked.

“So you're telling me those new arms of yours just applied so much force that it blasted the whole glass in an instant.”

“Yep.”

“Cool, cool.”

Ker nodded slowly and then suddenly threw his arms into the air.

“Are you out of you're damn mind to install something like that into you?! Black market battery, hu?! Fuck, V, now it was only a glass of olives but imagine if I had been in for some damn spanking and ended up with Trauma Team instead of having a good night! The heck would I've told them, my gonk brain of a boyfriend installed some Gorilla arms and didn't _sync_ them properly?!”

V stared at Kerry in sudden surprise.

“What did you just call me?”

“Gonk brain!”

“No, the other thing” V couldn't help it but slowly, oh so slowly, a stupid grin formed on his face.

Kerry crossed his arms over his chest, trying to look angry.

“Romance.”

“Nope, that wasn't it.”

“Affair?”

“Jeez, I hope not?”

“Input!”

“Better but that wasn't it.” V was grinning widely now.

Kerry threw him an annoyed glance.

“Slipped out of my mouth. Wouldn't think too much about it, if I were you”, he grumbled but didn't resist when V pulled him into his arms.

Carefully, though.

“Oh I think I will”, he hummed in a sudden very good mood.

Kerry leaned forward to grab his glass before he made himself comfortable against V's chest. Holding it up he suddenly gave V an impressed nod.

“Well but will you look at that.” He gave V a cheeky smirk.

“At least I got my olive.”


End file.
